Just roll with it...

Life has been utterly, disgustingly complicated lately and I have thrown in the towel on more than one occasion.  I'm hoping that blogging regularly is something I will now accomplish and will help me to make it through the vast difficult times that I have encountered as of late, and will continue to ahead...

A couple of months ago I was left babysitter-less and unable to find affordable child care, and so I was 'laid off' from work and only go in when I can, leaving me to be a mostly 'stay-at-home-mom', something I said I never really thought I could handle or would want.  Being able to work a couple of days is fine, and something I had built into my plan if I could have ever been able to be a stay-at-home-mom (with the economy and bills and my financial screw ups, just never thought it would be possible, and I guess it kind of still isn't ideal, but it's working...for now), but I still need 'FUN' adult time...Don't get me wrong, I do get that, but it always seems to come at a price.

I haven't really talked too much about my current life situation with many, and I guess that while I know that people I know will be able to read this, I also know a lot of people I don't know could possibly read it, and maybe everyone can be sort of a crutch for me...I really need a couple crutches right now...

I don't intend to 'spill all my beans here', but anything that I feel is 'okay' if anyone reads I will write...and I just hope that it makes me feel better...somehow...

When 2010 was left in the past I had really hoped 2011 would gear us up for some new and exciting and BETTER times...2010 had a lot of heartache because we lost a lot of people...near and dear and also just people who had been in my life...2011 had started off with some really good times...lots of sporting events, playoffs, (some of these of course also came with a 'price' as well, of course...why would anything be easy?) concert plans and just enjoying life...It also brought attempts to fix relationship problems by many outlets (personal attempts, counseling, separation)...and it is going to end with a milestone birthday that I hope lives up to all my expectations I am making, but am just planning on it being a disappointment (just like the thought of turning 3 centuries old)...

Unfortunately the hard times of 2011 have taken a huge mental and emotional toll on me where I saw the lowest of the lows and I don't see that as being alleviated anytime soon unfortunately.  This is definitely going to be one of those situations where they say "It'll get worse before it gets better".

My thoughts are so jumbled and all over the place I just can't even think of where to begin with anything...so, in an attempt to climb over those 'mountains' that I only wish were mole hills, I am trying to 'Just roll with it' and hope that when it all comes to where it should be that there will be a pot of gold at the end of my rainbow and I'll be able to smile a whole lot more...

...Till next time.