2012 has arrived, and it hasn't brought anything 'happier' thus far, making me wonder more and more why the universe hates me so much.  I understand it's only 3 days in, but it's gearing up to be pretty brutal and a lot of cuckapoo to deal with... {for lack of a more adult word}...

Things are going to be trying here, over the next however many months, and my emotions are all over the place.  I don't know how to respond to most things, because all I really want to do is break and destroy things, and that really will not help anyone.

The holidays were okay, they included a new 'inspirational tattoo' to help me overcome obstacles and remember to continue to believe in myself, and now they're over, and now we move on to digging through the pile o' crap and making something out of it I guess.  I really know in the end, this is the best for me and essentially the kids, and it was not an easy decision by any means, but needed to be done. I just don't know when that 'end' will come and I'm really not prepared in any way shape or form for it {other than gaining my personal/mental stability back}.  I'm scared, or maybe terrified, but also looking forward to a possiblity of happiness again, it just feels like it's been so long. 

2011 should be dubbed 'Year of the Rollercoaster'... I had SO MANY amazing moments, but it really was overpowered by the worst moments {other that death, 'cause that was 2010--Year of a thousand deaths} and it sucks to almost put the great moments in the background because of it.  When I think of 2011 I attempt to think of all the regular season and playoff games I got to attend, all of the incredible concerts, the amazing times with friends... because those times were epic and were what could have made 2011 be one of the best years of my life.  But instead, all of the craptastic times blow out of the ass that was 2011 and make those times seem like just a blip in my mind.

2012 is 3 days in, and I already {still} hate my life, I already ache, I already contemplate just how rock bottom I am at and what actions to possibly take ... let's hope that horse shit ends soon, because I don't know how much more strength I have in me.

Here's to 2012, and if it's going to happen, may the end of the world be the end of everyone's and not just mine ...